The Story of Largo
by Sam D
Summary: The last of my insane Language Arts MegaTokyo-related stories. This one pokes fun at Pet Shop of Horrors. ^_^


the menagerie: the story of largo (a.k.a. big trouble in little chinatown)  **The Story of Piro LARGO (a.k.a. Big Trouble in Little Chinatown)  
By: [Sam D.][1]  
  
** "It was a normal type of night in the city of Los Angeles. Night clubs bustled with people, highways were crammed with traffic, and Chinatown...Well, let's say it was as odd and mysterious as always," a man with somewhat gray hair who was clad in a black suit said in his monotone voice.  
  
"Now, on this normal kind of night in plain, old Chinatown, something out of the ordinary will happen. Something strange will occur. Something..."  
  
"Will happen to you if you don't get out of my shop," another male voice threatened.  
  
The man with gray hair turned and saw a woman? No, it couldn't be a woman, because this individual sounded like a man. Anyway, he saw a man with short, black hair who one purple eye and one hazel eye. He was clad in a brilliantly colored Chinese-styled dress. The Chinese man looked agitated. (He had his arms folded over his chest to prove it.)  
  
"Just who do you think you are standing around in my shop's lobby talking to yourself and not wanting to buy anything?" he demanded.  
  
"I'll tell you who I am! I'm Rod Serling! You know, the guy from The Twilight Zone?"  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't believe in television. Now please be on your way before I'm forced to get the man-eating rabbits."  
  
Rod Serling walked out of the shop, mumbling something under his breath. (It sounded something like, "What a nutcase.")  
  
The shopkeeper, who obviously heard this remark, snapped his fingers and then a loud yell came from outside. Rod Serling raced down the deserted street with a pack of rabid, brown rabbits with red, beady eyes on his trail.  
  
"Fool..." the Chinese man mumbled.  
  
Just then, the clock on the wall chimed half past seven.  
  
"Ooh! It's tea time!" he exclaimed before skipping off in an extremely giddy fashion.  
  
***  
  
Largo strolled down the street, his hands shoved in his trench coat pockets, singing a song to himself. (Insert random Ayumi Hamasaki song here.)  
  
He was on a mission. It was a mission unlike any other he had to accomplish. He had to get his buddy a birthday present, and it had to be a good one. The only problem was that Largo had no idea where to start, and Piro's birthday was exactly twelve hours, ten minutes, and three seconds away.  
  
"Now...Let's see...I've already been to Rodeo...And what overpriced junk they had..." Largo said to himself. "The only place that's bound to have some cool and unusual stuff is...CHINATOWN! Why didn't I think of it in the first place? And why am I talking to myself?" He shrugged and made his way towards his destination.  
  
***  
  
"You broke the contract didn't you? That's no excuse, Mr. Takehito. You wanted it, you signed contract, and you broke contract," the Chinese man said into his antique phone's receiver. He was seated on the maroon couch in his shop's lobby holding a porcelain tea cup in his free hand. "Mr. Takehito...You clearly agreed that this pet shop wouldn't be held responsible for anything that occurred because of a broken contract...And I don't care if it's attempting to eat you. Goodbye, sir, my tea is getting cold."  
  
With that, he hung up on another one of his satisfied customers and continued to sip his herbal tea, thinking about how stupid some people could be.  
  
As soon as he was going to pick up a strawberry tart from the table in front of him, someone came in the front door and yelled "YO! ANYBODY HOME?". The Chinese man jumped slightly, dropping the sugar-filled delicacy back onto its plate, and replied, "Must you be so loud?"  
  
Largo came waltzing into the lobby. "No...Not really...You see, I'm naturally like that," he explained.  
  
"Well, anyway, how may I help you?"  
  
Largo replied, "I have to find a birthday present for my buddy Piro, and so far I've had no luck."  
  
"Waited until the last minute?"  
  
Largo nodded.  
  
"Well, Largo, I think --"  
  
"Hold it! How did you know my name?" Largo interrupted him.  
  
"Lucky guess?"  
  
"That's believable. Lemme guess your name, now. It is it...Count Chocula?"  
  
"Count D."  
  
"Okay...I was close. Do ya mind if I call you D for short?"  
  
"I don't mind it at all. Now, back to what I was saying. I think I have the perfect gift. Now, if you'll follow me."  
  
He walked off, heading towards a dark hallway. Largo followed, observing everything in sight closely.  
  
"Wow...What a nice place ya got here, D. What kind of a shop is this?"  
  
"A pet shop, sir."  
  
"Pet shop? You mean, like the pet shop that was all over the news last week because someone who was killed shortly after buying something?"  
  
Count D stopped in his tracks. "Oh no, you must be mistaken. The pet shop that was on the news was one across town, which was owned by a friend of the family," he lied through his teeth.  
  
Largo, who is extremely gullible sometimes and will believe anything and everything, replied with a, "Ooh...Thanks for clearing that up."  
  
The two were now walking down a set of stone steps which seemed to go on forever. The sounds of unknown creatures squeaking, growling, and hissing, could be heard from all over.  
  
"Oh, please do watch your head," Count D said, without turning around.  
  
Largo, who wasn't paying the least bit attention to where he was going, banged right into the lowered ceiling and fell backwards onto the stairs with a "Ow..."  
  
'Why is it that people never listen to me?' Count D thought, smacking his forehead with one of his manicured hands.  
  
***  
  
After Largo regained consciousness (about twenty minutes later), the shopkeeper and him continued to venture down the stairs. They passed by rows and rows of doors in which they heard the shrill calls of what seemed like aliens. Largo, who was now officially getting a little bit worried about this, still kept behind Count D.  
  
D finally stopped in front of one of the identical doors that lined the hall, this one on the left side, and unlocked it, opening it slowly.  
  
"You'll find what I was talking about inside," he said.  
  
Largo shook his head "no" and began to back away.  
  
"Oh come on, you want to get Piro a present or not?"  
  
Largo thought about that for a minute, then crept towards the room. He peeked inside the doorway and saw nothing to be that afraid of. It was just a somewhat dark room illuminated by the light of candles.  
  
"Okay, so where is it?" he asked, glancing around.  
  
"Turn around and I'll show you."  
  
He did so and saw the Count with a little creature in his hands.  
  
"CUTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Largo exclaimed rather childishly, his eyes lighting up, as he pointed to the tiny creature. "A HAMSTER!!!!!!"  
  
The little tan and white hamster with tiny, black eyes gave a little "Squeek!" as he fidgeted in the Chinese man's pale hands.  
  
"I see you like him." The Count smiled. "I happen to like this one myself. He's such a cutie isn't he?"  
  
Largo nodded. "How much is he?"  
  
"Oh, not that much, really. Now come follow me back upstairs and I'll ring you up."  
  
"Okay!"  
  
***  
  
"Now, you're sure you understand the contract completely?" Count D asked Largo, who was busy talking Piro's birthday present. (He named it "Boo".)  
  
"What's that, Boo? You say that Piro's stuck down a well?"  
  
The hamster just replied with a squeak of exasperation, as if he was saying, "Boy is this guy missing a few brain cells." as he shrugged his little shoulders.  
  
The Count cleared his throat to get Largo's attention. Largo's head snapped up straight and he said, "Huh? What?"  
  
"Do you understand the contract?" D repeated.  
  
"Yeah, of course I do," Largo lied.  
  
"Very well. I hope Piro likes his new pet hamster." Count D then smiled.  
  
Largo placed Boo in on of his trench coat's pockets, bid the shopkeeper good night, and walked out into the night. Along the way, Boo popped his head up from the pocket to look around at his surroundings curiously.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Piro woke up around ten o' clock, since he didn't have work, and got ready to make himself some breakfast.  
  
He had intentions of making some pancakes as he sprayed his non-stick frying pan with some Pam. Shortly after, a loud knock came on his apartment's door just as he was about to pour some batter onto the heated pan.  
  
"Coming!" he yelled, as he made his way to the door, unlocked it, and opened it.  
  
There stood Largo with a little box, which had little holes poked through on the top and a red bow tied around it.  
  
"Hey Largo," he said tiredly.  
  
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Piro, happy birthday to you!" Largo sang happily.  
  
"Hey, thanks, man," Piro said, laughing a bit. "Come on in, I'm making breakfast."  
  
"Whohoo! Food!"  
  
Largo stepped inside of the apartment and Piro closed the door behind him.  
  
"So, how you doin'?" Piro asked.  
  
"Oh, pretty good. Hey, lookie what I got for you." He held out the small box to Piro and gestured for him to take it.  
  
"You shouldn't have," Piro said. He took the box, untied the bow, and lifted the top off. A little hamster, with a little sign hanging around his neck, peeked over the box's side and squeaked.  
  
"Hi, my name is: Boo," Piro read from the hamster's sign. "Awww, how cute. Thanks, buddy."  
  
"No problem, man. I was in Chinatown and decided to pick it up for you."  
  
Piro froze. "Ch...Ch...Chinatown?" he stuttered.  
  
"Yeah...Chinatown."  
  
"That isn't good."  
  
"Well, why not?"  
  
"You heard of the pet shop that was selling all those bogus pets that killed people shortly after buying them?" Piro asked.  
  
"Oh yeah, that place. The shopkeeper at the place I went to said that it was the shop across town," Largo replied.  
  
Piro shook his head. "Uh uh...There's only one pet shop in Chinatown, Largo. One."  
  
"But...But...Boo's so cute! He can't be a rabid hamster!" Largo whined.  
  
"Just like you to be tricked into things," Piro mumbled. Then he said aloud, "Say, from the news report, I heard that whoever purchased a pet from the back rooms received a contract when they bought it. Did you happen to pick Boo up from one of the back rooms?"  
  
Largo nodded slowly.  
  
"You received a contract?"  
  
Largo nodded again.  
  
"Have you been following the guidelines?"  
  
It took Largo a little bit longer to shake his head "yes" this time because he had to think.  
  
"Do you have the place's phone number?"  
  
Largo reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. Piro immediately snatched it from him and ran to the phone, picked up the receiver, and dialed the number.  
  
While the phone rang in Piro's ear, the Count was extremely busy on the other end.  
  
"Q-CHAN! GET BACK HERE WITH THAT LAST TRUFFLE!" he yelled as he chased a little creature, which looked like a cross between a mouse and a bat, around the lobby. "YOU HAVE YOUR STRAWBERRIES! I HAVE MY TRUFFLES! PAWS OFF! NOW!!"  
  
The lobby's phone kept ringing, and a completely unaware D kept chasing his pet around the shop in a mad frenzy.  
  
Piro hung up with a sigh. "No one's answering."  
  
Largo clutched onto Boo. "No matter what you say, Boo is not a mutant hamster!"  
  
"Alright, alright Boo isn't a mutant hamster," Piro drawled, rolling his eyes. "Now, I gotta make pancakes."  
  
"Ooh, ooh, can Boo have some?"  
  
"Sure, Boo can have a little."  
  
Little did the two friends know that rule one of the contract plainly stated "Nothing, other than vegetables and water, may be given to your pet to eat under any circumstances.".  
  
***  
  
Later that day, Largo decided to "borrow" Piro's new Playstation 2 that he got from his girlfriend Sakura for a few hours. Boo, who was free to wander around for now, had scurried over to Largo, who was laying on the floor, mumbling at the television as he played Onimushi: Warlord. The hamster became amazed by the big and flashy images on the screen and sat down next to Largo, not breaking its gaze away from the TV for even a second.  
  
The second rule of the contract plainly stated "Your pet may not stare at the television or computer screen for long periods of time.". Two rules broken, one to go.  
  
***  
  
Later that evening, Sakura decided that, being Piro's birthday and all, the three, including Boo, should go out to eat. Largo quickly agreed, since eating is his second favorite hobby.  
  
"So, how was your day, guys?" Sakura asked as the three strolled down the sidewalk. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer because I had some errands to run."  
  
"Largo was enjoying the Playstation you bought so much," Piro explained, "that he didn't want to stop playing, even though it was lunch time."  
  
"Well, I almost beat the entire game, so nya!" Largo said, sticking out his tongue. Boo was perched on Largo's shoulder, half-asleep.  
  
Sakura turned to Piro and asked, "Well, since it is your birthday, where d'ya wanna eat?"  
  
"Who's up for sukiyaki?" Piro suggested, smiling.  
  
By this time, Boo was completely asleep on Largo's shoulder.  
  
Rule three of the contract plainly stated "When pet falls asleep, make sure to have the incense you received burning non-stop." Well, there goes the third rule out the window.  
  
"Hey kid," a voice came from behind Largo.  
  
A bewildered Largo turned around and came face to face with... "ROD SERLING?" he asked. "It's really you, man! You're Rod Serling!"  
  
The man in the black suit merely nodded in reply. "Kid, were you in that pet shop not so far away from here, you know, the one in Chinatown, last night?" he asked.  
  
Largo nodded. "Yeah, why'd you ask, Mr. Serling?"  
  
"You're hamster's asleep...And its incense isn't burning."  
  
"Wha...?"  
  
Rod Serling smacked his forehead. "You didn't read the contract did you?"  
  
"Uhhh...Well..."  
  
"No, he didn't," another voice cut in. It was Count D. Q-chan was fluttering about right next to him.  
  
Piro's jaw dropped as he pointed to D. "You're...You're...That guy who was on the news because of his killer pets!"  
  
"Honestly, it wasn't my fault that the customers didn't follow the instructions given to them. Oh, and Largo, I thought you only bought one hamster."  
  
"Yeah...I did buy only one, and Boo's right on my shoulder." He looked at his right shoulder, only to see two hamsters, with red, beady eyes staring at him. "Boo? Boo? What happened to you?"  
  
Piro quickly hid behind his girlfriend. "I told you that Boo was a mutant hamster, Largo! But did you listen? No! You never listen!"  
  
One by one, more hamsters appeared, their eyes all locked onto Largo. "This...Isn't...Good..." he slowly said. "RUN!!!!"  
  
Largo dashed off down the street, Sakura and Piro following, and the evil hamsters not too far behind.  
  
"How are we supposed to get rid of these things?" Sakura asked, trying to pick up speed.  
  
"I have no idea!" Largo yelled.  
  
"I suppose we could try to blow them up. It always works in Gundam," Piro suggested.  
  
"That's it! We need Gundams! Now where's Rod Serling when you need him?"  
  
Instantly, Rod Serling appeared from out of nowhere. "You rang?" he asked.  
  
"Rod! Thank Zeus! We need Gundams, and we need them fast."  
  
"No problem. An avid fan of the Twilight Zone is obliged to receive help from me any time."  
  
The hamsters, who were reproducing at an alarming rate, were catching up to them.  
  
"I can't run anymore!" Sakura complained.  
  
A loud blast could be heard from around the corner, followed by an extremely bright flash of light. Largo turned at the corner to find...  
  
"GUNDAMS!!!!!" he exclaimed.  
  
There right in front of him stood three of the best mobile suits anyone could hope for: Wing, Deathscythe, and Sandrock.  
  
"It's show time!"  
  
The three individuals dashed towards their Gundam of choice and boarded them. Largo: Wing, Piro: Deathscythe, and Sakura: Sandrock. They each pushed the large red button on the consoles after they strapped themselves into the cockpits of the suits. A view of what lay in front of them appeared on the screen.  
  
"Let's get ready to rock and roll, people!" Largo exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah!" Piro and Sakura agreed.  
  
The Gundams' step caused the ground to shake underneath them, because things as massive as these certain mobile suits were extremely heavy.  
  
"Alright, targets located on the main street," Piro stated, observing the map on his screen. "There must be thousands of them by now!"  
  
"That's not a problem at all, Piro my man," Largo said slyly.  
  
"Uh huh, that's what you always say," Sakura commented.  
  
Largo loaded up his blaster cannon and was ready to fire when Piro interrupted him by yelling, "Wait! Don't use that! It's powerful enough to destroy this entire area!"  
  
"Umm...Guys..." Sakura started. "We're under attack!!!"  
  
The millions of hamsters scurried their way over to the three mobile suits with their teeth bared.  
  
"In that case...FIRE!" Piro exclaimed.  
  
Largo fired a huge shot of energy at the hamsters, causing some of them to be blown to oblivion. Piro, using his radioactive scythe, managed to get some of the evil creatures himself, and Sakura, with her handy blades, took out some also.  
  
"It's no use! There's way too many!" Sakura yelled. "They keep multiplying at alarming rates!"  
  
"Keep givin' them all you got!" Largo demanded. "We won't lose to a bunch of little rodents!"  
  
***  
  
"Yeah...Won't lose to...Evil rodents..." Largo repeated, tossing and turning in his bed. "But, but...There's too many! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! AWAY EVIL HAMSTERS!!!!"  
  
Largo fell out of his bed, taking his sheets with him, as he hit the floor with a THUD. His eyes shot open instantly. "The...The hamsters...All...All...Over..."  
  
He then smacked himself and said "I have to stop watching Hamster Club at odd hours of the night! But...That was sorta cool...I mean, Rod Serling was in it, and...And...I had a Gundam! Who could ask for anything more! Well, Boo, I guess I'll try to go back to sleep." He turned to the little cage that was on his nightstand and spotted the little creature sound asleep. Largo himself gathered all the blankets, jumped into the bed, and proceeded to fall asleep. Boo slowly opened one little eye of his and it glowed bright red. He seemed to give an evil, little smile before closing his eye again and retiring for the night.  
  


The End...Or Is It? ---insert evil laugh here---

   [1]: mailto:theauthor@ijustdontcare.com



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